so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
