honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
