3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
