Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
