Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
