are you still at the devil's house?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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