I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
