She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
