That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
