I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
