I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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