dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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