I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
