u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sponge bath it is.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
