help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
