I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
