Where is the hickey?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I only lived at night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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