ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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