2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
