Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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