I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
