highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
