Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
