i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone signed my nipple.
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