so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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