did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
