Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All the doctor said was why
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
