You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
how does that bad decision feel?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
