My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
