Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
