There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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