if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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