i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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