All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
