Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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