how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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