We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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