her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
