Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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