oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
