So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
