She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
