Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
