I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
FUCK WHALES
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
