Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
