Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
