Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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