A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
