He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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