The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
