mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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