Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
