I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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