I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you had me at cake vodka
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
