don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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